waitingwife (stuckinspokane) wrote in merlinxarthur,

fic: evil little cock-blockers

Title: Evil Little Cock BLockers
Rating: R
Pairing/Characters: Arthur/Merlin, Baby!Bradley
Spoilers/Warnings: Requires understanding of who Bradley is, and why that's amusing.
Summary: Sophia drops off a baby on Arthur and Merlin's doorstep. Written for kinkme_merlin prompt "Arthur/Merlin, modern AU. Almost a year after a fling with ex girlfriend, Sophia, Arthur opens the door of the flat he shares with Merlin to find a baby on his doorstep with a note that says it is his. Writers choice whether it is or it isn't. Bonus points for Sophia changing her mind and wanting it back at some point (after they have become attached.)" I didn't get bonus points, but I enjoyed writing it anyway.
AN: Ignore any glaringly obvious mistakes. Or, you know, tell me about them so I can fix. Also, this is a much higher rating than I usually write. Just as a warning.


There are a lot of different sounds that Arthur is used to hearing while he’s busy fucking Merlin into the couch of their tiny apartment. Whimpering, gasps, groans, desperate whining, pleading even. But he had never before heard crying.

Arthur thrust into Merlin again, feeling the damp of his own stomach against Merlin’s back, and the tight slide in and out of Merlin. He heard the desperate whimper that told him he had once again managed to hit his prostrate dead on, and his own grunt of satisfaction – when a new sound began resonating through the small room. Crying.

Sniveling, blubbering crying.

 “Merlin?” He asked, pulling out and rolling his partner onto his back – looking at him eye to eye.

Merlin’s eyes snapped open and glared at him in a blaze of blue fire. “No! Nonono!” the dark haired man growled, trying to pull the blond back down. “Arthur, I’m so close – you can’t leave me like this! Not again!”

But Arthur ignored him, looking around for the source of the crying. “I think it’s coming from outside,” he said finally.

 “What, like a baby?” Merlin asked, sulking. He sat up and watched as his boyfriends naked arse moved towards their apartment door and checked the peep-hole and then opened the door. Still naked of course.

It turned out that it was a baby.


 “The most horrible cock-blocking baby in the world!” Merlin was complaining to Gwen on the phone a bit later. The baby in question was sleeping quietly on the couch – almost exactly where Merlin had been laying not half an hour earlier. Arthur was sitting on the floor, staring at the little piece of paper that had accompanied the cock-blocking baby – looking confused and unsure about what to do next. He kept glancing up at Merlin, and then back at the baby, before retuning his gaze to the note in his hands.

 “Why would somebody leave a baby with you two?” Gwen asked him – the only words that seemed able to leave her mouth today.

 “According to Sophia,” Merlin sighed, “it’s Arthurs and she refuses to take care of some pillow-biters spawn.”

 “Why would somebody leave a baby with you two?” Gwen asked again.

“Merlin,” Arthur said in the most disheartened voice Merlin had ever heard him use. “I understand if this isn’t what you want – but you know how we were talking about moving into a bigger apartment soon? If you’re still, I mean, if you want – we should-”

Merlin groaned and ended his call with Gwen, only to flounce across the room and scoop up the baby.

“Lucky he came with a car-seat,” Merlin said with a certain degree of finality. “Though, we’re going to need a new car anyway.”

The gratitude and love in Arthur’s eyes almost made up for his rather severe case of blue balls.


Merlin and Arthur had been together for a little over a year now – and the start of their relationship might have brought about the end of Arthur’s last relationship. Sophia Sidhe may have a lot of reasons to hate them, but leaving an evil cock-blocking baby on their doorstep did seem a bit much – even for her.

In the first two weeks of having the little snot, Merlin had been denied nearly every night. Arthur was apologetic and tried his best to make the man in his life happy, but having a screaming tantrum going off ten feet away tended to ruin the mood. A lot.

“I never actually wanted to use the ‘not-tonight dear, I have a headache’ line with you,” Merlin complained as he slowly walked and rocked baby Bradley around their bedroom. They were scheduled to move into their new apartment the next day – all of their things had been packed into poorly labeled boxes.

Bradley was slowly settling down into sleep while Arthur quietly bitched from their mattress. “It’s just so like her! Making my life harder, just because she can. We haven’t even seen her for a year – and now this!”

Merlin made another slow loop around the room, now murmuring indistinctly soothing sounds at the baby.

“I can’t believe you actually like that little brat-”

Merlin sighed and looked over at the man sitting across the room. “Come here,” he said softly, “look – he looks just like you. His hair, his chin, and his eyes – he’s even annoying like you. He might be a little cock-blocker, but he’s gorgeous.”

Arthur stood up and moved slowly to Merlin’s side, peering down at the sleeping baby. “Seriously?”

“Very. I don’t see her in  him at all. It’s almost like she cloned you.” Merlin smiled softly at the baby before pressing a soft kiss to both Bradley and Arthur’s cheeks.

“He is pretty cute, isn’t he?”


Merlin desperately bit his pillow, trying to muffle any sounds that might escape his throat. He was so close, he knew that Arthur was close too. Just a few more seconds and they could relax – they could bask in the afterglow and not care if Bradley started crying.

Arthur grunted harshly and spilled himself into Merlin’s willing body – grabbing Merlin and helping him down the same path.

“Clearly,” the blond said with a wry smile as he traced nonsense patterns into Merlin’s stomach, “the trick here is finishing in less than five minutes.”

Merlin murmured contentedly – and from the next room over in their new apartment, Bradley didn’t make a sound.


It took a great deal for Arthur to ever admit that he needed help with something – and a great deal more effort for him to actually say the words. Which is why, when Arthur finally went to his father and asked for the already offered-already turned down vice-president position, Uther gave it to him. With some conditions.

“I get to see Bradley on weekends, and I get to spoil him rotten. Birthdays and holidays are free game – and you have to buy a proper house and proper vehicles before the end of the year.” Uther dictated with a glean of anticipation alighting in his eyes. “You will start a college fund for him, which we will both add to for him, and you must properly marry Merlin. I don’t want any grandchild of mine growing up in a broken family.”

Arthur quietly refrained from commenting, given that the conditions were actually things he and Merlin had already been planning on.

“You’re not allowed to work more than forty hours a week,” Uther continued, nodding at his secretary, who was taking notes, “and I don’t want him growing up with a nanny. The majority of his care needs must be met by yourself and Merlin. Call me, if you need a babysitter.”

Standing behind Arthur, Merlin smiled. “Uther,” he said softly, taking a step forward. “Thank you.”


It took a ridiculously short amount of time for them to fulfill Uther’s conditions. And it wasn’t too long after their two day honeymoon (during which, Merlin didn’t even let them leave the hotel, desperate for all the sex he had been missing the past few months) which led them to sitting in City Hall, waiting for the approval of the adoption of Bradley – which would put the child into both Arthur and Merlin’s full custody.

After they received what they had wanted, they dropped off Bradley with his grandfather and privately celebrated in their new home.

Five times. Or so.

Tags: contributor: stuckinspokane, fanfic, genre: au, rating: r
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